Livin' The Dream

"Today is the day I take my life back." - Rebekah Gregory. Seeing her come across the finish line of the Boston Marathon yesterday was so touching. Her statement resonated with me. It is the same reason I have signed up for the Marine Corps Marathon...to take my life back from breast cancer. To prove to myself that my best days are not behind me. This morning I was reminded that "taking my life back" is a daily commitment. Choices have to be made each and every day that effect the bottom line. So I ask you. How will you take your life back today?

The 2014 DCI season just ended. Each year, as my friends gear up to teach and design, I am reminded of what were some of the most amazing years of my life. I had the honor to march with Velvet Knights Drum and Bugle Corps from 1986-1988. We grew so much over those three years. We killed it in 1988! Traveling, performing, loving and learning. It is hard to put into words all that it means. Those that have done it...they are the ones that understand. One of the things that will always remain with me is the self confidence and belief in my ability to do hard things...and the mentors that helped to instill those valuable things in me.............. Roxanne, Craig, Rueben, and John. These four are among those for whom I will be forever grateful. Taking a girl from square one, not even being able to spin a flag. Believing in her and helping her stand proud of being on an incredible guard that took 7th place at World Championships. And even at that, we were told we were robbed....

I can't believe it has been a year since I last wrote. Life can get in the way of doing things we love if we let it. By way of quick update, I was all scheduled for what should be the last of my post breast cancer surgeries and I slipped and fell at the office, shattering my patella. What a way to start the year. I have learned to walk again, healed pretty well, and then finally had my last surgery on August 4. That's where the wish comes in. Friends, this is my 10th, yep, 10th surgery in 3 years. All of my time in DC has been peppered with health concerns and surgeries. I've been so focused on getting through it all and enduring it well. It has been a whirl wind! I feel the clouds are beginning to part and the winds are in my favor so I am going with it. Feels good to be on the other side of the storm. I have learned that this does not mean that new storms aren't ahead, but I am learning to enjoy the reprieve. :)

I am making strides in my recovery and I am so grateful for how far I have come. I am striving to maintain peace in my heart over all that I have been through. The big struggle is finding the space to hope and believe that the worst is behind me. Thankfully there are now days that I actually forget that I battled breast cancer...even though I am still bruised and scarred from the battle field. I'm continuing to drink fresh juices and have also taken on a vegan diet in efforts to keep the dreaded C at bay. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers, healing vibes, kind letters and love. You have seen me through the storm in ways you can't imagine. Here's to more peaceful days and improving health! The human body is a miraculous thing.

I ran across a picture in my phone today that I took this time last year. I almost don't even recognize myself in this picture. But yes. That was me, fighting my fight. Doing my best to live to tell about it. Life is a beautiful thing. It is a crazy and very hard thing at times, but what a journey it is. I am realizing that as I am starting to feel more energy and hopeful for the future, I am also seeing that I have changed. You can't go through something like that and not change I guess. Here's to looking forward with hope while still living in the moment. Boy, what a difference a year makes!

Many of you know that I packed on about 25 pounds of pudge during my cancer treatment last year. It was so discouraging as I had already worked so hard to lose about 70 pounds. Stinkin' cancer. Not enough to threaten my life, gotta pack on the pudge too?! When I was home with my family over Christmas my Dear Friend told me about this movie on netflix, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." I can't tell you how much the title resonated with me. The movie touts the benefits of juicing, (not to be confused with steroid use...haha), vegetable juicing. I figured it would be a good idea to try it. I had juiced veggies during chemotherapy at the suggestion of someone who beat Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer....but honestly, could not stomach the thought of it for awhile after chemo. Fast forward 2 months since I started my "Reboot" and I am down a glorious 25 pounds. First of all, I feel like I have found my secret weapon. Second of all, yes! 25 pounds! Woot woot! ...

I saw this and it really struck me. I am finally beginning to feel like I have come to the other side of the storm. The last year has been filled with surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, all forms of treatment in effort to give me life. I feel so glad to have that behind me and to feel hope about the future beginning to creep back in. I continued to work from home during treatment but now am glad to be back to the office for half days. I also got a little car. It is so great to have a sense of independence back, and a little energy to enjoy it. My focus in the my healing has been to explore and implement natural cancer treatments into my life. Cheers to the storm settling down and hopefully being over.

Over the past year dealing with Breast Cancer, I have often felt like this little mouse. Climbing high atop a wisher and throwing my wishes to the wind. As I reached my year mark since my diagnosis, I was reflecting on how far I have come (and trying not to be discouraged by how far I still have to go). Some wishes have come true, some, well only time will tell. One thing I could have never imagined coming my way was the tremendous love and support of others. I have been blessed beyond measure. Old friends have come back into my life and helped me remember good times. New friendships have been formed. I still continue to receive cards and care packages. I feel so humbled by the outpouring of care. As I move forward, I will continue to remember this little mouse, and myself, having faith and hope to make a wish. Having dreams of what is to come and what could possibly be.

For some reason, that picture just cracks me up. Things that make me smile mean even more to me now than they ever did. As I learn to find and accept my new normal, post-cancer treatment, I am finding greater happiness. I still have a long journey ahead but I am grateful for these little steps I am making.

My lovely friend Haylee ran a race in North Carolina in my honor recently. She is amazing and a wonderful support to me. She sat beside me many nights when I was sick and weary from chemotherapy. This is Michelle. She has been with me every step of the way. She stayed the night in the hospital with me when I had my mastectomy and sat with me during every chemotherapy session for 5 hours. What a rock star! Cancer really does blow, but I am so grateful for the friendships that I have gained and those that have been strengthened through this journey.

I received a lovely text from my amazing friend Erin this weekend. She and Angie ran the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in my honor. Angie had 2 other loved ones she dedicated her time to as well. So special! Here they are with my name on their little papers. It meant so much to me I cried! I am so grateful for the love and support that has been pouring in. And so grateful for the donations being made to cancer research.

Here I am getting ready to go to a gala for my new job. This was about a week into November 2011. I had no idea the journey I was about to embark on. My wonderful friend Erin came down to visit me and spend some time. It was wonderful to have her here! We had no idea the news I would hear less then 2 weeks later. I decided to cut my long hair before chemo so that it would not be as traumatic losing my hair. It was still extremely difficult, but at least I know I will have a cute little pixie option when my hair returns. The first day of chemotherapy. I had intensive treatments, 4 months, every 2 weeks, for 5 hours each time. I always was trying to keep the smile and imagine the poison they were pumping right into my heart as being what could save me life. During my final day of chemotherapy. I had made it this far! Next leg of my journey would be radiation treatment. Here I am with my radiation team on the final day, August 22, 2012. I was with these l...

Some anniversaries are exciting. Some, not so much. Today marks 8 months since I received some life altering news. I was on the bus, headed to work, and my cell phone rang. Speaking to my doctor I heard the words no one wants to hear, "You have cancer." I haven't made any grand announcements as I have been in treatment and coming to terms with it myself. But today, for some reason, I felt it was time. Time to post it for myself...and maybe even for the hope that others will go see their doctor if something doesn't feel quite right. I will share more of my journey, but for today, it's enough to share, that I am battling breast cancer.

Tomorrow marks the end of an important leg of this journey that I have been on for the last 8 months. This journey has already left me scarred, battered, and at times, questioning whether it is worth it to go on. But I have and will continue to carry on. I know it's worth it and hope to one day look back at the trail and say, "Yeah. That's why. I get it now." For now, all that I have to do is KEEP CALM and CARRY ON. It's all that is required of any of us though, right? And I know it can get us through anything.

So today marks one month since I moved to DC from my beloved NYC. I've progressed a lot, smiled a lot, and dare I say, even cried a lot. Friendships have been tried and tested, new friendships have blossomed, and acquaintances have been made. All of the makings of a good time, right? But here I sit, one month into the three months I alloted myself to get on my feet, and I have just accepted an offer of employment. Taking the leap of faith was difficult, but my friends, it has paid off! This new opportunity is a definite jump for my career and is replete with growth potential. I am so excited to take on social work in DC and rock it out! Woot! I know that as we lean on what we know to be right and take those leaps of faith, we will be rewarded. Much of the difficulties in this transition have been in areas I never expected. But as I tried to focus on the good around me, I saw beauties that I never expected as well. Here's to new friends and tried and true frien...

I posted this picture a few years ago, but it seems to be apropos for my thoughts of late. I have been studying a lot about priorities and the importance of setting aside love of self, love of others and love of things; giving up what we have, to get what we ultimately want. I guess it is up to all of us to determine our own "ultimate prize" and to do what we can, even all we can, to achieve that...and being willing to see our weaknesses, even in the ares where we thought we were strong. I am learning, and not always in the easiest ways, that when we keep our eyes on the ultimate prize and let go of all else around us, what we are hoping to gain will come to us. And often, just the very act of showing our willingness to "give up what we love most," is all that is necessary. Just the willingness. What a beautiful thing.

I saw this picture and it really spoke to me. It made me wonder...if this were a snap shot of life, which kid would I be? Would I be scared to death and cringing with fear, eyes closed? Would I be the previous but with eyes wide open? Or perhaps I might be one with a wide smile looking forward with excitement. I think I have been all of them at different times in life and within each trial of my journey. May we all be able to experience life with our eyes wide open, a smile upon our faces, excitement abounding, and taking it head on...even in the frightful portions of our journey. And may we realize that we chose this roller coaster and have the duty to continue to choose the path we know to be right. Come what may and love it!

"It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship." Henry Ward Beecher I am grateful to have friends who love me enough to help me grow...friends that are there to weather the storm.

Two years as roommates, three years in nyc, two years of foster care work in Brooklyn, and countless struggles and blessings later.....It's the end of an era. Blogging about the transition rather than simply stating it's over may help me settle the idea in my heart. It's hard to believe that I no longer live in nyc. Almost harder to believe that I know live in DC. It's natural to have difficulties when all of your time has been caught in a whirl wind......work, work, work has been my life. I am turning over a leaf and making myself part of the equation....which is difficult and strange all at once. I am still too close to the whole thing to see my new adventure developing but I have made it to the stage where reality has set in. I am here, nyc is there, and such is life. Our last picture as roommates. Saying goodbye I almost lost it...all the love came flooding forward. It was the end of an era. We had a great run, Jules! I guess it's time for us both to ta...